I don't even know what I mean by that, but I mean it
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Pain — It can be emotional or physical. We relate to it when others are feeling it and we can always want to soothe it. The sciences are constantly trying to figure out what pain is, where it is in our brains, nerves and mind. I want to take these aspects — the science, the physical and the emotional — and create a body of work that investigates them all. How do they relate and influence one another. What happens when pain is turned into a physical object? Do we lose the intimate relationship we have with it or does it become something more people can relate to? “I don’t even know what I mean by that, but I mean it.” (a quote from JD Salingers’ book ‘Catcher in the Rye’ and title of my work) is a small installation made up of the ‘Catcher in the Rye’ book cover and projection of a camera making its way through a ‘field’ of book pages. The pages that create the ‘field’ are all from the same book, and glued to a book shelf to stand as if they were the rye field that the main character, Holden, imagines himself in. Not only does the text itself revolve around depression and an emotional pain, but the installation is supposed to enhance the endless felling of searching, being alone and abandonment. Even though support systems are close by when we experience pain, there is always a sense of being alone with no end in sight. Through this body of work I am gong to challenge how physical pain, emotional pain and the study of pain depend on one another, enhance one another and do not relate at all. Though all three ideas may not be present at all times in each piece, they are always there to influence how each piece will be structured and grow.